There are days as a mom that I just don't know how I'm gonna make it thru the day without blowing my top. It's usually due to lack of sleep, full schedules, a to-do list that is way to long, or that I've forgotten to say 'no' to a few things and so I'm running in all directions while trying to keep the house functioning (laundry, dishes, cooking, etc). When I allow these things to happen-- my most favorite people suffer-- and that is wrong.
When we first moved here I never turned down an opportunity to get out with new friends or have coffee with someone or have play dates, etc. I needed to meet people and well, we did move here to start a ministry. Don't get me wrong... I've not lost sight of why we moved here and don't think that I have all the friends I need here either. But I am not being a good wife or mommy when I give my best attitude to people that I meet with and then take my stress and how I'm really feeling out on my family. It's true what they say... "we hurt the ones we love." I think it's because we take advantage of the 'unconditional' love we get from our spouse or kids.... we abuse it. I know I do. Not intentionally mind you... but my actions or the sound of my voice certainly aren't reflecting Christ. What this is saying to my boys is that I care more about what a friend thinks or a stranger thinks of me than with the people I share a house, hugs and kisses or our NAME! So I'm learning to say 'no' to a few things. Letting the boys chill out at home after a long morning in school in another language instead of going out straight away and not making it home till dinner time. We still have play dates, but I just can't have something going on every. single. day. It's not healthy for us. Every family is different so I'm not saying that those who are constantly on the 'go' or have sports coming out of their ears are wrong... just that our family in this moment thrives on our down time. We can see it in the boys moods. Also, with another baby on the way I'm glad we're realizing this and making some changes. Danny appreciates it because it gives him more time to study for Sundays.
I know one thing.... these days would happen a lot less if I kept a steady walk with God. I'm not saying I'll just ooze sweetness to everyone around me because I had my "quiet time" with God. Because it's a constant battle to stay focused on what is really important in life. I just want my boys to know that though I'm not perfect (well, they already know that... 5 & 3 years old and they've heard Mommy apologize to them many times), but that God is my main focus. He keeps me grounded and level headed.
Danny & I have been encouraged numerous times by the boys sensitivity to God and what His presence means to us as a family. It's a proud moment that we must be doing something right and a HUGE eye opener too. On one hand we're proud that they sensed the need to pray for 'such-n-such' or remember a detail to a Bible story that we weren't sure they were even listening to. But then it also hits us-- they are taking everything in-- they really are paying attention! What a responsibility we have as parents. This isn't something that has suddenly dawned on me... but just felt the need to type it all out.
I have absolutely no idea why I started writing this. I loaded these adorable photos of Nate & Micah and was going to just go on and on about how funny and sweet they are to me (and they ARE!), but my fingers just started typing something else. This has been out of the ordinary for me to write. I usually just mention how we are, what we're doing, or just brag... but felt compelled to share something that's been on my heart. It's not always flowers and smiles here... haha. So, sorry if it seemed jumbled or just not making much sense... it did to me (no jokes those of you who know me well).
Now on to a funny story: Nate was sick on Sunday. After Danny & Micah left for church, Nate was really complaining about his tummy hurting, so I said let's pray about it. He was more than happy to pray and is usually the first to pray about what some might call the "little things". Well, after a morning of keeping a bowl close by, laying on the couch with his favorite blanket and pillow... he asked for some food. While he was eating I suggested he also thank God for making him feel better (we've been discussing the not just asking for stuff in life by God or even by people-- the holidays are coming, ya know, but being thankful too). So he says, "I will... tonight when I go to bed and pray." I told him that was fine, but we didn't have to wait to talk to God at just meals or bedtime. I gave examples of how I talk to God when I'm driving, cleaning the house, eating, etc. I explained that God knows everything, sees everything, and hears everything-- the good stuff and the bad stuff (a few examples were given like how we treat our brother when mommy or daddy aren't around or our attitude when told to obey, etc). He turned around, looked at me real serious and asked, "Does God listen when I'm telling my friend a secret?" I said, "Yes, He knows everything you do." Nate was a bit shocked. He then said, "But if I'm telling my friends something it's a secret... no one else is supposed to hear it!" I assured him that I didn't think God would tell the other kids what he told his friend... his secret was safe. He looked a bit relieved, though maybe not completely satisfied. haha. Ohhh, Nathan. I love how your mind works sometimes.
Now for pics of the twinkles in my eye!!!
A work in progress,